Why Does He Do That? Quotes by Lundy Bancroft
CounselCare Connection. P.C.
Reviewer Kelly L. Verbal abuse can happen in many different situations. It takes place at work, at school, at home, and at other places. People who commit verbal abuse against others often have their own mental health issues they need to work with. But their problems can become yours when their attacks are aimed at you. Put simply, verbal abuse is a manipulation tactic used by one person to control another through non-physical means.
As a psychologist, I often hear stories about fighting. After all, conflict is a normal part of any relationship and, during heated conversations, feelings of anger and frustration can swell, causing us to snap at our partners. However, when I hear about people who make threats, resort to name-calling, and yell whenever they get riled up, I get concerned. Because the signs may be subtle, discerning between a heated argument and verbal abuse can be tricky. It might sound surprising, but nearly 50 percent of women and men have experienced at least one psychologically unsafe encounter with a partner. While it's difficult to ignore the damage inflicted by physical violence—like black eyes and bruises—the psychological wounds left by verbal punches aren't nearly as noticeable.
Emotional abuse is insidious: Not only does it take many forms, it can be difficult to recognize. According to Denise Renye , a certified sexologist and psychologist, emotional abuse "may be delivered as yelling, putting a partner down, commenting on a partner's body, deliberately not respecting a partner's boundaries, and saying one thing while doing something else entirely. At first, abusers may seem like charismatic and charming people, waiting until they and their partner have hit a milestone such as moving in together before they show their true colors. Renye points out that abusers also often manipulate their partners into thinking abusive behavior is romantic. Their behavior may be a product of unchecked jealousy, "something that abusers often feel is justified and conveys a sign that they 'really love' their partner," Renye says. Other factors such as financial abuse, in which an abuser dictates their partner's access to economic resources, can make it even harder for survivors to escape. What's more, abusers may try to convince their partners that they don't deserve better — but no one ever deserves abuse.
A psychologist gives us six examples of verbal abuse in a relationship.
It's not always the case that people can leave an abusive situation. Some people are trapped economically, or politically. Some people cannot leave easily because to do so will cause them to have to leave their children behind, for instance. Other people cannot provide for themselves easily. These sorts of situations are difficult to do anything about, at least in the short term. However, there are also many reasons people use to justify staying in abuse situations that are potentially under their control to change.
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